Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Last Months 02

Last night, while waiting for Lyft to summon me into battle, I fell asleep on the sofa. It must have been a deep sleep, because when I jerked awake, my left arm and forearm were aching, the left side of my face was in intense pain, as if I had been hit in the head with a baseball bat. My left wrist ached for a couple hours, my face eventually went completely numb - and weirdly, I had sympathetic numbness in my left lower leg. This is par for the course with whatever's wrong with me. It's why I'm so disappointed in each and every doctor I've seen. They take my information, my symptoms, they hem and haw...and they don't do shit. They don't send me on to a specialist, they don't treat me, they don't do anything! What do I have to do, writhe on the floor?

Cinco de Mayo! It's a big bust here in Albuquerque. The rainy skies canceled the fireworks, nobody went out partying. Maybe the weekend. It's been a harsh few days, I'll start up again tomorrow.

It's tomorrow now. I woke up in intense pain. It radiates from my left temple down along my jaw - my teeth feel like they are being squeezed out of their sockets. The pain from the temple has affected my left eye, it's hard to focus out of that eye. It takes weeks to find another doctor with my insurance, so instead I went to an urgent-care clinic. After hours of complaining and arguing, a nurse gave me a prescription for pain-killers. It's the state of our culture that the intense pain I suffer means nothing, but, oh, my, they are so, so concerned that I might become an addict. The big joke, these new pain-killers only blunt the pain, they don't remove it. They block it just enough that I can sleep, which what I did. I took a long nap. Now I can drive for Lyft this evening.

What a bunch of cowards they are. The slightest push-back, and these supposed leaders of our new economy fold like wet paper. How proud we much be of them, these Silicon Valley innovators who believe so little in their creation, they throw it away when facing even token resistance.

Shout-out to my cousin Jeff, who sent me a movie to cheer me up.

Maybe I can find a way through the thorns. I hope so. There has to be a way for me to survive in this world, I just haven't found it yet. But I've faced death before, twice in fact in one terrible night, so I'm not afraid if I fail. I will be heartbroken to send Bright Eyes forward before her time. As for myself, it's not a problem.

Here's the link to my gofundme campaign: