I thought I would keep a record of what might be the last months of my life. Several factors have conspired to do me in.
There's my temporomandibular joint disorder, which causes me almost constant pain...if it is TMJD. My last doctor thought it was a tumor or perhaps leukemia...but don't rule out TMJD. Victims of TMJD have killed themselves over the pain. My extreme fatigue made the doctor suspect cancer. It is so severe, it prevented me from working for many days over the last couple months, which is the partial cause of my current financial crisis.
I work as a Lyft driver. I'm good at it and the job allows me the flexibility to not work on days in which the pain or the fatigue are too intense to ignore. But the leader of the New Mexico senate is in the pocket of the cab companies. Current Senate Majority Leader Michael Sanchez’s brother is the lead lobbyist for the taxi industry, which hates ride-sharing. He blocked reform legislation from passing. The new rules by the New Mexico Public Regulation Commission released last week will regulate Lyft and Uber in ways similar to taxis. Lyft decided to "pause" operations. Uber has not yet decided what to do. I could work for Uber...except my minivan's a 2005 model. Uber doesn't want to hear from anyone who owns a ten year old vehicle. I've tried several times to sneak it by them in the application process, so far no go. I might try again soon, if they stay around. There's no certainty they will.
So I'm between a rock and a hard place. I had brake repairs and tire problems this week that stripped me out of eight hundred dollars, almost my entire reserve. I will continue to drive for Lyft until the 14th, I might generate $900. My cousin is selling my storage unit full of stuff, so I'm hoping that will generate around a grand or more.
What if I can't make the rent in June or July or August? I won't be homeless. That won't happen to me. This may be the end of me. We'll see, I'm not giving in just yet. But if it happens, that's all right, we all have to die sometime. I thought I'd have more time, to write, to find my way through the hateful puzzle-palace of modern publishing - if that's not to be...all right.